I posted yesterday about my new found contentment in my life, and what it has become. Not that its bad, its not.
But Chris, my dear dear boyfriend has witnessed in the past few months, the two sides of me that seem to help me deal with the tosses and turns of the sea of life.
Happy Heidi is most prevailent, she is who I am most of the time.
In general, I can take just about anything life has to dish out, but once in a while, sometimes it is unfortunatly frequent ,I get a situation that brings old Cranky Pants Heidi out to play--- take for instance the CRAP BAG (pardon my bad words) of a time I had buying my new car.
WOW was that a hard pill to swallow, and that brought out Cranky Pants Heidi for a few weeks, ( lets just call her CPH for short, shall we? )
I got thru it, and now I am back to my old self, Happy Heidi.
I remember once, in High School , I was at some function, FHA/HERO if I recall, we were doing one of those fun excersises in "lets see how much we can find out about each other".
We were to pick one item that best described us from a fictional Sears catalog. The item must start with the first letter of our first name, in this case "H"... there isn't much in the Sears catalog that I can compare myself to, so I chose a Hammock, since I think I am pretty laid back, well I did back then. I don't think that anymore. I am far from laid back these days. I didn't like that excersise.
I always liked the one where you got to pick an adjective that best describes you starting with the same letter of your first name, mine was ALWAYS, and still is ALWAYS Happy Heidi. For most of my life, I have felt happy.... very happy.
But the sad part is that when I get sad, or mad, or upset, I get VERY VERY sad, mad or upset. There is no happy medium for me, ask my parents, or my sister, or my .. well Chris, I feel silly saying boyfriend, I am 32.. heheheh, not 17.. but he is my love, HI CHRIS!!!
I am either happy, or some other emotion, full on, high speed.
And this is why I think some have such a hard time knowing me, or understanding me. It is no easy task, I know from being me, but I am thinking that now that I have found this "happy" place, pardon the play on words, I can finally control CPH, once and for all, and she won't have much playtime in my life.
There is only so much I can do. Some people say I am moody, I am,I admit it wholeheartedly--but its not really hormones, its more that I have a hot tap and a cold one, and its difficult to make warm water with me.
I think now, after yesterday's epiphany, I can finally send CPH on a long vacation.

Crossing my fingers,
Heidi