Chris, Donovan and I are in Oklahoma right now. We were able to leave early, and avoid the second snowstorm in a week, since Dirk never filed a new parenting plan, and Donovan did not go out to see him and his side of the family.
We are trying to relax.
Tomorrow, Chris and I will drive to Stroud, OK to pick up Katie and Connor to have them for the rest of the week. We sure are excited to see them.
We went to church today with Chris's parents, and there was a powerful sermon, that hit home both with me and Chris.
I am not sure how I feel about the coming of a new year. I am looking forward to having another baby, that is certain, but there is still so much uncertainty in my life.. it is hard to look too far in the future.
I have been dealing with emotions that run up and down in a very erratic pattern my whole life, and recently they became more than I could handle on my own.
I think that normally I can deal with all life gives me, but while being pregnant, it just became too much.
I am doing better now. I have just over 3 months left in my pregnancy and for the most part, life is good.
I worry about Chris though...he takes on so much and I see it wearing him out.
He really pushed to have me stay home and not work, and we thought we could make it. For the most part, we are, but we are still paying his ex wife a lot of child support, even though we have Katie and Connor 50% of the time. To make up the small difference in income, small but big enough to feel it...he still works full time, plus he is doing remote work for his dad, and he just finished his last term of teaching.
He doesn't want to burden me with his worries. but I am married to him, I know he struggles and I feel awful..I can't do anything to help him. He has such a generous heart that he tends to take on all the blame and responsibility for anything in his life. Particularly the negative things.
I recently took over our finances, the only thing I can do to help him lighten his load.
But now he doesn't sleep well and I worry about him.
The funny thing is that with all my stuff going on, he worries about me...I don't worry about me, I worry about him, and he doesn't worry about himself, he worries about me. This is one of the great things about our relationship...our concern for each other.
If I could ask for anything for the new year, I would ask that Chris's load becomes lighter. That Dirk works out what he needs to, so Donovan can go out and see him. and that I deliver a healthy baby boy on or around the date he is due.
I don't think there is much more I can ask for, well, yes, there is one thing..
My grandma....sigh..she has had so much going on since she fell in Sept.
My aunt and uncle are shutting out my dad for petty reasons, and in turn, they have shut out my grandma. It doesn't help her in getting any better when her kids are not getting along.

My dad has been there for her for everything since her fall. He has been with her at every Dr. appointment. He has visited her once a day, sometimes more, EVERY day except 2 days, since she first fell.
He was there for her two weeks ago when she had a risky Gall Bladder surgery.
She is just struggling so much to get better, and I don't know that she will ever come home.
She still can't walk, and has lost over 50 lbs since she fell.
I want her to get better, but I don't want her to suffer, or be in pain.
I love my grandmother so much...I shudder to imagine my life without her, but, I know that God has a plan for her...and I am doing the best I can to be patient..I just don't like to see her so ill. She is so strong, she has an amazing will and I know I can't have her forever, I just want the strength I need to be there for her in whatever capacity I need to be.
I hope that 2007 is a good year for you, and I will be back to post again, when we get back to Colorado.

Happy New Year!